BEADS ON THE BONE
And, try as I may, and feign as I might, I don’t think I’ll ever master this beading and jewelry making stuff.
After all, I can’t put beads on a bone.
My doggy pen-pal died a couple of days ago.
I’m going to miss her.
We both talked back and forth about how crazy these human folks were about these stupid beads.
You can’t eat them, so what good are they!
I read this this morning:
There’s a bead in my water bowl today.
Warren keeps telling me that all those treats he’s always carrying in his hands are “beads”.
Likely damn story!
I overhead Richard say, “I wonder if Lily makes note of every time we pet the other dogs?
You know what I say: “What do You think?!@#”
I can’t be getting fat!
All I ever eat are beads!
Yes, it was me who secretly chewed up that low-hanging hank of seed beads.
And I rolled in them and rolled in them, and rested my belly on them.
I got them all up and in and out of my hair.
I played shoot the bead with my whiskers.
There’s nothing finer than bathing naked in a big pile of beads.
Warren started giving me fish oil capsules with a smear of peanut butter.
But then Daisy and Maggie began calling me “Fish Breath”.
Everyone is still talking about Rosie!
It’s been years!
I’m the #1 dog now!
Warren interviewed lots of people for a new job today.
I let him know who I would and would not pick.
Nip 1, Lick 2
That Maggie is a dolt!
Get the ball and fetch,
Get the ball and fetch,
Get the ball and fetch,
What a (bleepin’) idiot!
Maggie is the new kid on the block.
I love my new sister.
She constantly pesters Daisy.
And James has some other dog to decorate with bows, hair ties and clips
Of course I bit you!
DON’T TAKE MY TOYS!!!!
Why are they so surprised about all the beads in my hair?
I barked at him incessantly.
I nipped at his shoes.
I nipped at his heels.
I grabbed his pants with my teeth, and pulled, pulled, pulled.
It’s been 2 HOURS! already. Go grab your wife and get her out of the store.
And, oh yes, GET OUT OF MY CHAIR!!!
I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me.
I’m not a whiner.
I love my share of lovin’s, treats and hug’ms.
I just don’t like to share them with Maggie, Daisy, Becky or Mr. Ziggy.
Shouldn’t I have a say as to which dogs can invade my store?
Now James has brought ANOTHER dog to the store — Maggie!
There’s not going to be enough of Marj’s lunch left for Me!
The little girl-child asked her grandmother,
“Can we buy Daisy?”
Please, please, please, say Yes.
I just want to get up into the chair
the next customer wants to sit in.
Sure miss Connie.
Hopefully they play Dirty Santa in heaven.
If they didn’t before, I’m sure they do now.
Yesterday was our annual holiday party!
Daisy and I declared a truce, and agreed to tag-team everyone there.
Many more treats that way.
“Way to go! Daisy.”
[I’ll show her who’s ALPHA tonight when we get home.]
Warren told Richard the waxed cotton would get all tangled up if he didn’t drape the skein over the back of a chair.
You know, he was right!
[I’ll blame Richard.]
When the salesman told Warren, “You’ll eat our new catalog up, it’s so great!”, I did.
Did not go down well.
I think Marjorie needs her exercise,
so I make her walk me at least 4 times a day.
I don’t really have to go that often,
but I like to watch Marjorie do her stretching exercises when we get back from our walk.
She reaches her arm slowly up, and then out, to lift the lid of the jar with the treats in them.
She squeezes her hand inside the jar to select and pull out a treat.
She brings her outstretched arm back out of the jar, and with ever-so-much grace, extends her arm and hand to deliver me a treat near the floor below.
I think this is fair.
100 calories for 100 calories
The Beaded Art Dolls have arrived.
They all have such pretty feet.
A dichroic bead caught my eye, the other day.
I turned my head all the way around to escape the gleam.
Until I rolled over.
James has been dropping Daisy off at the store everyday now.
In Tennessee, isn’t it legal for dogs to carry guns?
I know we don’t have to wear shoes!
And that’s how it starts….with “Lily, Lily.”
And I run eagerly into Warren’s arms,
expecting that delicious treat…..
And, whoosh, off we go to the Vet’s
and I get a shot.
James has been pushing Daisy on me all week now.
When James and Warren go out to dinner,
I expect to get more than scraps.
You hear me, boys?
Jeanette is visiting this week. James went out and bought her a little puppy — a Maltipoo. How nice!
Then he said he was thinking a getting a Maltipoo himself.
I have the hole ready, James, I have the hole ready.
It was raining beads!
Warren was holding up a tube of bugle beads, and the bottom of the tube fell out.
And the beads followed.
And Daisy followed the beads.
And ate some of them.
She’ll be sore in the morning.
“Are you the official greeter in the store?” she asked.
“Are you the official greeter,” she continued.
“Are you the official greeter in the store? she begged for an answer.
What could she be expecting? For me to talk?
This morning, Warren keeps calling me “Daisy”.
Jesus. Mary. Joseph. God. For The Love Of Pete!!!!!!!#####@@@@
We got some new 6/0’s in the jet picasso color.
They were Connie’s favorites.
I know. She would never let me sniff those.
I miss Connie.
There Warren is. He’s just typing away. Type. Type. Type.
And not thinking about me.
Got some metal clay between my toes.
Let’s fire these babies!
Marje always wants to make me look like a girly-girl’s dog.
Sorry, my hair is not always perfectly coiffed.
Warren took me aside, and held me tight. He told me Connie had died yesterday.
Daisy, dastardly daisy doodle, got in trouble yesterday. She jumped up on the bead table, and was taken to the dark bathroom for time out.
They waxed the floors last night.
Oooh, they missed a bead.
These substitute UPS drivers don’t get it.
Nip or Treat!
No treat, you get nipped.
Thunder and lightning, Oh My!
The only safe place to hide is under Warren’s chair.
Too bad it’s on wheels.
Connie was worth waiting for!
I love Connie!
Tomorrow is Bead Study. Can’t wait. Connie takes good care of me. That’s why I like to jump up on the seat next to her, and curl up and look cute.
She’s very good about not dropping beads on top of me.
COPYRIGHT, FELD, 2009
LAND OF ODDS